Shoulders and Breasts
by Jefferson Hansen
On the news today they told of a man
who photoshops pictures of world leaders
in radical ways. In fact, he turns them into
drag queens. Barack Obama wears a barely-there
stringy blue dress with plenty of cleavage.
He has small breasts but no chest hair.
Good for him.
Vladimir Putin is in a red turtleneck dress
that is completely sleeveless. We see his muscular
He sports a large, diamond necklace that
hangs between what would be his breasts.
I could go on. German Chancellor Angela
Merkel wears a double-breasted men’s suit and a
tie but no shirt. She may or may not wear a bra,
but I bet that she does not.
Even beneath the baggy double-breast, one can see
something droopy about her breasts.
The shoulders of the jacket seem impossibly wide for her.
The point, I learn, is to show that leaders are pure performers.
The artist wants to point out the theatricality
of political performance.
But I do not SHOULDER buy it.
Of course politics is all BREASTS theater, but
we must distinguish between actors with a nuclear
strike force capability and those who barely get by
on measly paychecks. We also must SHOULDER distinguish
between BREAST those with the power to profoundly
affect the economic and social conditions of their underlings
and those who, at best, make millions and millions
a year by trouncing around in front of a camera and mouthing
the words of writers according to the directives of the director.
SHOULDER. In short, a paid or amateur actor performs
according to a frame strictly established by others.
Politicians also perform within a frame that precedes them.
But SHOULDER, come on, there is a difference between
leveraging a given social role in an open-ended improvisation
that is constantly reoriented—the politician—and an actor
who knows what is going to happen after the first read-through
of the script. A politician has no script. They maneuver and leverage
the givens. BREAST. Pointing out that politicians role-play and perform
begs the question: when is anyone not role-playing and performing
to a certain degree. All the world is not SHOULDERS a stage. Shakespeare
was stupid and could not account for the edges of metaphors.
Indeed, ol’ Will is the most overrated shithead of all time.
If not for him, we wouldn’t have this dumb ass artist
photoshopping our dear world leaders who are free to fuck
us up as much as they want but rarely do for fear
of a coup. Shakespeare, that shithead, preceded this photoshopping
artist by five centuries, give or take, and his metaphor was more
SHOULDERS all encompassing.
Are you a shoulders or breast person?